One of the challenges of teaching English as a Second Language is interacting with people from a wide variety of cultures. And of these cultures and students, some of the most challenging to deal with are often the Saudi Arabians.
Saudi Arabia is an oil rich nation dominated by conservative Islamic thought. (I mentioned Wahhabi-ism in a previous post.) It is a nation ruled by a king where the legal system is dominated by sharia law. It is the only nation in the world where women are prohibited from driving. ("Because we must protect them," explained a male Saudi to me casually one day.)
There are many Saudi Arabians coming to the USA to study these days. This is largely because the government of this nation is aware that some day their oil reserves and oil money will run out and that it is a good idea to diversify the country's economy by sending large numbers of students to the USA to study subjects that might prove useful in diversifying the economy. This is done through a Saudi government organization called SACM or the Saudi Arabian Cultural Mission. They approve schools, fund scholarships, and even, according to some reports, keep an eye on the students who come here to make sure they don't engage in activities that might be harmful to the Saudi government or royal family.
And when they come here, often they have questions about things they see or our culture. Sometimes these involve same sex marriage and homosexuality.
First, just to make it clear, many Saudi are under the impression that there is no homosexuality in their nation. Of course, this is absurd, and easily disproven. There are several articles (for instance
http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2007/05/the-kingdom-in-the-closet/305774/ ) and documentaries ( see: https://www.google.com/search?sourceid=chrome-psyapi2&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8&q=documentary%20on%20homosexuality%20in%20saudi%20arabia&oq=documenta&aqs=chrome.0.69i59j0j69i57j0l3.8462j0j8 ) and other reports of homosexuality in Saudi Arabia, https://www.google.com/search?newwindow=1&espv=2&q=+homosexuality+in+saudi+arabia&oq=+homosexuality+in+saudi+arabia&gs_l=serp.12..35i39k1j0i7i30k1l3j0j0i30k1l2j0i8i30k1l2.72388.72388.0.75433.1.1.0.0.0.0.161.161.0j1.1.0....0...1c.1.64.serp..0.1.155.v4V99BFGdTQ )
Of course, homosexuality occurs in all cultures and societies in some form so why do many Saudis believe this? First, don't expect to see too many openly gay Saudis because (as the above sources explain) the penalty for engaging in gay sex in Saudi Arabia is to be stoned to death. Clearly, this kind of put a damper on any talk they had over there of organizing a gay pride parade, to say the least.
Secondly, the society often practices arranged marriages. Therefore even if a man or woman is gay they are quite likely to find themselves married to someone of the opposite sex no matter what their wishes might be.
For instance, one day I was teaching an intermediate ESL class in Boston. The lesson focused on the difference between "I hope to" and "I plan to" when speaking of events in the future. One Saudi student turned in the sentence "I plan to get married in two years."
I looked at it and asked "Do you have a girlfriend who wants to marry you?"
He said that he did not, and I asked "Well then, how do you know you will get married in two years?"
"My mother will find me a wife," he answered.
"Well, then," I said. "This is a good English sentence."
Obviously arranged marriages conceal people's natural sexual orientations.
So, this brings us to the million dollar question, what do you do when you are teaching your English as a Second Language class and a Saudi raises his hand and asks "Is it true that two men here can get married?"
Your response may vary but here's mine.
First, try to sense out if he is really asking because he is confused and wishes to understand or if he is just looking for an excuse to argue, Some students, believe it or not, like to argue in class. If the student seems inclined to just make homophobic statements and argue that his culture is superior to American culture, I'd suggest that he and I save the conversation for after class and then cut it short if my suspicions proved correct.
If not you might wind up with an exchange similar to the following one I actually had:
Student: "But it is only disugsting and immoral men who do these things! If you can do this, what is to keep someone from marrying a dog?"
Me: "Hey, I've got a lot of gay friends and you don't even know them. Who are you to say they are disgusting?"
Even if you think there is some benefit to such shouting matches, and I doubt if there is, I hope you will agree that having them in front of an audience of ESL students benefits no one. If you must shout and call names, do it outside of the classroom.
Second, you could try the cultural relativism approach. I've tried it but in my experience, i
t doesn't work very well for reasons, I will illustrate below.
Student: Is it true that here two men can marry? In my country this would never be permitted.
Teacher: Well, yes, but different things are seen as ethical in different cultures. For instance, in your country it is considered okay to have more than one wife, but in our country it is not considered okay to do that. And in our country it is legal for two men or two women to get married, but in your country it is not. So you can see different cultures have different ways of doing things.
Student: Well, yes, but you must remember that what the Koran says is that a man can have three wives but he must treat them all equally, so that is why it is okay to have three wives.
Please understand that the student has now explained the teachings of the Koran and through that process now feels that he has explained right and wrong to the teacher. The teacher could go on to explain that most Americans do not follow the teachings of the koran or base their morality on it, but, personally, I would not do that in a classroom with several Saudis in it although I would be inclined to do so gently one on one outside of the classroom,
Regardless, few of the Saudi I've met seemed to be satisfied by an explanation of same sex marriage based cultural relativism.
Therefore, I now offer the solution to explaining this cultural difference to Saudi students.
First, a marriage, particularly an arranged marriage, is based on much more than sex and love.
It also an economic arrangement and a union designed to ensure that a household can be run in a smooth and workable fashion. Begin there.
Now picture a Saudi household. Who do you think does the dishes and mends the clothes? Why the woman, of course.
And who does the driving of the car? Why the man of course (unless, of course, they hire a foreign person as a driver which they often do but that's another issue)
So, if you have two men together as a couple what's one thing a Saudi needs to know?
Why who is going to do the dishes and mend the clothes, of course.
And in a lesbian couple who will drive the car?
Therefore what I have found works for me is that when Saudis ask about same sex marriage the place to start is with the division of household chores and duties. Explain that in an American marriage these are generally negotiated and not assigned by sex. Once a Saudi student can understand how the dishes get washed, how the floors get cleaned, and how the other mundane logistical duties involved in running a family or a household get taken care of, then they are much closer to understanding how a same sex marriage might work.
This is the approach that I have found works for me. Try it for yourself and let me know how it works.
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